Behind the Bully: The Missing Lessons at Home

Bullying remains a significant concern in many learning places, impacting not only students’ academic performance but also their emotional health and social development. While educators and institutions work diligently to create safe and respectful environments, it is important to remember that much of a child’s behavior is shaped long before they enter the classroom. The foundation of a child’s character is largely influenced by the environment at home. Many parents, particularly those with limited formal education or awareness of child development, may believe that sending their children to a learning place is sufficient. They trust that schools will take responsibility for not only academic instruction but also the teaching of discipline, values, and social skills. However, while schools play a crucial role in reinforcing positive behavior, they cannot replace the essential role of parents in nurturing the basic principles of respect, empathy, and self-discipline.
The values of kindness, honesty, respect, and emotional regulation are ideally cultivated from an early age at home. Children learn a great deal by observing and imitating the adults around them. When parents are able to provide gentle guidance on how to communicate respectfully and manage emotions, children are more likely to develop healthy ways to interact with others. In the absence of such guidance, children may resort to negative behaviors, such as bullying, as a means of expressing frustration or asserting control. Values like discipline, empathy, respect, honesty, and kindness are not meant to be introduced for the first time at the classroom door. These are foundational life lessons that children should begin to learn from their parents in the earliest stages of life. When children are not taught how to speak respectfully, how to manage anger, or how to treat others with kindness, they may turn to dominance and cruelty, hallmarks of bullying behavior, as a way to assert themselves.
Too often, parents fail to set boundaries or correct their children’s behavior. Some even laugh off aggressive actions or ignore disrespectful speech, thinking it’s just “normal childhood behavior.” Others may not have the knowledge or tools to discipline constructively, especially if they were never taught those values themselves. This failure to guide creates children who grow up confused about right and wrong, and who bring those unresolved issues into their peer interactions. Moreover, uneducated or under-informed parents may not recognize the signs of bullying in their children, either as victims or perpetrators. Without the tools to engage in open dialogue or the knowledge of how to intervene, these parents may leave their children unsupported, allowing the cycle to continue unchallenged.
It is understandable that many parents face challenges in consistently teaching these values. Some may lack the resources or knowledge needed to effectively support their children’s emotional and social growth. Others might feel overwhelmed by daily responsibilities or uncertain about how to address behavioral issues constructively. Parenting is a complex and ongoing learning process, and support from communities and educators can be invaluable in helping parents fulfill this role. Schools and teachers are important partners in the development of a child’s character and social skills, yet they cannot shoulder this responsibility alone. When children come to learning places without a strong foundation of manners and discipline nurtured at home, it becomes more difficult for educators to create a positive and safe atmosphere for all students. Collaborative efforts between parents and schools are therefore essential for fostering an environment where every child feels respected and supported.
The issue of bullying cannot be viewed simply as a disciplinary problem within learning places. Instead, it should be understood as a complex social challenge that requires cooperation between families, educators, and communities. By providing parents with access to education and resources on emotional literacy, communication, and positive parenting techniques, we can help ensure that children receive consistent guidance both at home and in their learning environments.
Addressing bullying effectively requires a holistic approach that acknowledges the critical role of parents alongside educators. Academic knowledge alone is not enough to raise well-rounded individuals; equally important are the values and life skills taught at home. When parents and learning places work together to instill kindness, respect, and responsibility, children are better equipped to navigate social challenges and contribute positively to their communities. Ultimately, behind every bully lies an opportunity to reinforce the missing lessons that begin with loving and attentive parenting. Tackling bullying in schools requires more than classroom rules and disciplinary actions; it calls for a deeper societal effort to educate and empower parents. By promoting parental education programs, especially in emotional literacy and child development, communities can address the problem at its roots. A well-informed parent is not only a child’s first teacher but also a critical partner in shaping a school culture of respect, empathy, and safety. Simply sending children to school is not enough; parental involvement, understanding, and guidance are essential to raising kind, confident, and responsible individuals.
Dr. Avothung Ezung
Post-Doctoral Fellow (ICPR)
Dept. of Philosophy
NEHU, Shillong